This rant is long and detailed. You have been warned.

For approximately the past one and a half years, I have been “dating” (for wont of a better word) a guy online. We live in Australia. I live in a city an hour and a half way from Brisbane, the capital city of Queensland; he lives in Perth. Opposite sides of the country; divided by a 6 hour plane flight. This, however, was never really the difficult part. When we met, I was 15 and he was 22. Now I’m 16 (albeit nearly 17) and he’s 24. That’s a seven-year age gap to deal with.

Therefore, obviously, we were very, very concerned about the possibility of taking our relationship any further than the virtual world. We both wanted to in many ways, but were scared we would lose an incredibly amazing friendship that we now depended on way too heavily. We were both independent, relatively happy people before we met each other, and the fact that we can rarely go a day without talking shows how much we have both changed.

Finally, life hit me in the gut. In my senior year of high school, trying to do the best in my exams, while finding and applying for University (ie: college), were balanced with work, which I essentially hate, and which has negatively affected my schooling. Unfortunately, I simply don’t have the strength to do anything about work, so I have to grin and bare it. But after weeks of me being down, depressed, crying each night, he – the online boyfriend – asks if I would like to take our relationship further.

It’s done. A flight is booked for two weeks later, $1,500 on airfares and rental cars and accommodation for a two-day visit. We settled on two days because it didn’t seem abnormally short, and if we didn’t get along, well, it was only 2 days. Neither of us actually seemed to take into account that we would get along incredibly, amazingly well. e_e

He arrives, I run to him, I hug him, I don’t get go. That broke the first barrier, and for the first day, we walked my dog at the park and sat under a tree for two hours talking about… I forget. Each other. How insane my hair gets and how uncontrollable it is. How his hands are so big and mine so small. How my dog looks a bit like a sheep with his hair cut funny. How nervous we were. We held hands, walked with our arms around each other. We went to the shopping mall for lunch and had Subway. We were both self-conscious about how messy it was going to get. We bumped into my friend from school, Jess (who had heard about the boyfriend) so he and her were introduced. They hugged, it was amazing how well he was getting along with people. We went to a bag store and he bought me a new handbag (it’s awesome… purple patchwork!) and then we went to go see a movie. G Force, which I really didn’t care about, but it was pretty much all that was on and he liked the look of it. It was actually an enjoyable movie, and he laughed through it so much, it was fantastic to see a younger, less-mature side of him. That was further evidenced when he found my lion king music box and started playing it in my room. Lol.

That night, we headed home and had dinner with my family. I was so surprised that everyone got along so well. A couple of awkward silences were broken when he started up conversation about… star wars. My family readily followed and, while I appreciate star wars, I’ve never really watched the movies in great depth, so was a bit out of it. But no matter, they got along great, and he’d obviously proved to my father that he wasn’t a mad axe-murderer.

That night we curled up on the couch and watched the first Back to the Future movie which he loved. He left, and mum and I had a talk. Nothing bad, just “we’re happy that he makes you so happy” sort of thing. My friends pretty much echoed that, which more or less shows how different I had been for this one day.

Day two, he came to my house again, we ended up running towards each other for a big hug. We went on World of Warcraft (the game we met on) for a little while, because I had to stay in the house and look after my sister. I have to admit, here, that WoW really didn’t hold the same appeal to me when he was here. I mean, it was fine, but I wasn’t as enthralled or into it as I tend to be. We also had to go into work, my work, and the manager was an absolute cow, sending me to tears. We got home again, he held his hands on my shoulders and let me cry. We ended up with my head in his lap, him brushing my hair, and somehow, I’m not sure how, he kissed me. My initial thought was “wtf”, then panic about what I was meant to do, so I tried basic stuff, you know: pulling him a bit closer, trying to return the kiss, that sort of thing. It was very wet, and a bit shocking; I was shivering afterwards, hehe. He said, however, that I was amazing, and I think overall it was a pretty good first kiss for two first-timers.

When dad got home, we went out again, had kebabs for lunch, went and had a look at jewellery for some reason I forget, and returned to his hotel room with the other two Back to the Future movies, which we curled up on the bed to watch. Well, there was no sex (because that’s what everyone thinks), we just sort of clung to each other. We got quite close, though. I mean, I probably wouldn’t tell my mum exactly what went on in that room.

He came home again for dinner, we tried to eat and failed for the most part; neither of us wanted this to end. We curled up on the beanbag in my room (because, for some reason unrelated to him, my bed has lost half its rungs) and watched Love Actually followed by Notting Hill. We kissed again a couple more times. These times were much better than the first. Less shock, and now with a better sense of direction. We laughed and had fun, he unfortunately began to get a bit quiet towards the end. We didn’t want the movies to end. Eventually, though, he had to go. We walked up to his car and cried and hugged each other and sat in the car and cried and held each other’s hands. He was sobbing. Possibly worse than me. Finally, he said, “You’d better go before I take you with me” and after a few minutes drove off. Lol, he forgot his wallet, so I called him – he was wailing now – and he had to come back, receive wallet, and go again. Quick good-bye kiss and we told each other how much this had meant to us. We still cried oh-so-much.

I slept on the beanbag that night. The broken bed was only a small part of this.

This morning, he’s in Brisbane again, currently at the airport and eating a doughnut. We miss each other so, so much already. It physically hurts. My body is craving more. More kisses, more hugs, more love in general. After going without it for so long, it got a taste, and wants more. My heart is craving him. The person that, for those two days, gave me something to look forward to, enjoy, appreciate, love. It’s incredible and indescribable; you either know it or you don’t.

This is the true problem with internet dating. When the relationships work well, too well, and the two parties are left waiting and dreaming for next time. When you never even imagined you could be so close to a person, or be beautiful to them, or make them so happy. When they cry at the thought of leaving you. The incredibly odd sensation of having your soul/heart/essence ripped in two when they leave, but somehow not completely lost. It has the chance to be stitched back up for next time; a next time that will no doubt be more painful but heck, it’ll be worth it. If this is a “teenage infatuation” (which is something I highly doubt, but have very little past experience to compare it to… crushes, yes?)… I don’t want to experience anything more. It would kill me. This almost has.

I should probably, however, stop listening to Come What May.

Two days to re-meet a person you’ve known for one and a half years is just not enough. I miss him so much.